Love Life is a NGGOSSIPS weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Ife* (27) and Ibrahim* (30) met as freshers in 2016 after gaining admission into the same university.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the housing scam that brought them together, falling in love as coursemates, the six-month relationship break that pushed them into other people’s arms, and the difficult journey back to each other.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ibrahim: I met Ife in 2016, during our first few weeks in university. We were coursemates, so we saw each other almost every day, but were just two people who exchanged greetings whenever our paths crossed.
A few weeks before resumption, I paid an agent for accommodation. The hostel was undergoing final renovations and was supposed to be ready shortly after school resumed. But when I got to school, the agent kept giving excuses. Every day, it was one new story.
I was squatting with a friend at the time, so I didn’t panic initially. But after about four weeks, I realised something was wrong. The agent stopped answering my calls and nobody knew him. It turned out that I’d been scammed and the hostel didn’t exist.
Then, the friend I was staying with gave me a deadline to leave. I remember sitting in class that week, completely stranded.
After class one day, I stood up and told everyone what had happened. I said, “If anybody knows somewhere I can stay, please help me.” Nobody really responded, and I left feeling embarrassed. A few minutes later, Ife came after me.
Ife: Most of us were still new students trying to find our footing, so I could imagine how stressful it must have been. We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed like a cool person. I had a cousin who was a year ahead of us and lived off campus with some friends, so I told Ibrahim I’d speak with him.
I didn’t even know if there would be space. I just felt compelled to assist him at that moment.
Ibrahim: Two days later, she called and said her cousin said I could move in. She didn’t stop at connecting me with her cousin. She actually helped me move. I still remember her carrying bags and helping me settle in.
I’d never experienced that kind of kindness from someone who didn’t owe me anything.
Aww. What happened after that?
Ife: We just started spending more time together. We studied together, attended classes together and ate together. Sometimes, we’d leave class and spend hours talking about random things. It was a lot of getting to know each other better.
People started assuming we were dating long before we actually were. But assumptions like that were pretty normal in 100 level. Once people see students of the opposite gender moving together, they automatically assume something is going on.
Ibrahim: Looking back, I can see where the assumptions came from. If I was going somewhere, Ife was probably there and vice versa. Ife would call me when she was confused about an assignment. I’d call her when I wanted company. We became each other’s favourite person without ever discussing it.
I knew I was starting to like her more than a friend. I just didn’t know if she liked me too. Unless they expressly state it, you can’t assume they like you like that.
Did you like him, Ife?
Ife: I definitely did. He was funny, dependable and easy to talk to. Our friendship felt effortless. We had this stupid game where we’d see who had the loudest fart. I couldn’t do that with any random dude without fear of judgment. That’s how free I was around Ibrahim.
Even though I could tell he liked me, I wasn’t really thinking about dating at the time. We were freshers. School had just started. I wasn’t trying to jump into a relationship.
At what point did things change?
Ibrahim: Towards the end of our first year.
We were preparing for our departmental dinner, and everyone was so excited about it. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but then I was nominated for “best dressed fresher.” That was when I really got into it.
As I was planning outfits and tickets, I heard another guy was planning to buy a ticket for Ife and ask her out. I was so livid when I heard that, I suddenly realised I wasn’t comfortable with another guy making a move on her. I knew the guy had eyed Ife a couple of times, and we’d even joked about him together, but I didn’t know he was that serious about her.
I was initially planning to attend alone, but after this revelation, I had to switch tactics. I can’t even remember what I told my parents I needed money for, but I got it and bought a couple’s table for us.
Ife: I remember laughing because I genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal. The guy could’ve bought all the tickets he wanted but it doesn’t mean I’d have accepted him. The fact that he didn’t even think to ask me before telling other people was enough of a red flag.
But Ibrahim became strangely interested in the situation, and showed up with our couple’s ticket. It was both funny and sweet at the same time because I kept wondering where the energy was the entire time before that.
How did the dinner go?
Ibrahim: We were the only ones in our entire 100 level set to sit on a couple’s table. Everybody was looking at us, and honestly, I liked it.
Ife: In a way, it felt like our relationship status changed that night without either of us formally saying so. The whole energy was different, and you couldn’t tell anyone we weren’t already an item.
Ibrahim: After the dinner, I finally asked her out properly. Thankfully, she said yes. I was so elated that I didn’t even have time to brood over losing the best dressed award.
So you were officially dating
Ife: Yes. The early days were very simple. It didn’t feel like we had to do anything extra to fit into the boyfriend and girlfriend role.
It helped that we were already close friends before anything romantic started. We didn’t have to learn about each other from scratch. We already knew how the other person spoke, what annoyed them, and how they reacted when they were stressed. If we misunderstood each other, it never lasted long. One of us would call, or we would see each other on campus and talk things through until it made sense again.
So it felt natural. It didn’t feel like we were trying to build something new.
Ibrahim: Everything was so easy and we both didn’t have to try too hard. We were always around each other. If I didn’t see her in the morning, I would see her later in the day, and if I didn’t see her on campus, I would probably run into her on the way back to the hostel or in a friend’s room.
We would eat together when we could, study together when exams were close, and just sit and talk about anything when we were tired of school.
Ife: We basically grew through university together. It got to a point where it was hard to talk about my university experience without mentioning him. If I had something good happen, he was usually the first person I told. If I was stressed about something, I also went to him.
Even our friends started seeing us as a pair. If they saw either of us apart, there was the slightly accusatory “Where is XYZ?” question that came at us. It was funny. But then, almost like a blink of an eye, graduation happened in 2021 and we had to be apart for a really long time.
But why?
Ibrahim: I had to go back to Lagos, and she returned to Ede.
We were now in different places, trying to figure out what came next. It wasn’t like we suddenly stopped caring about each other, but you don’t even realise that you’re slowly pulling away from this person.
At first, we tried. We would call, text, try to maintain the same energy we had in school. But it didn’t feel as natural anymore. Sometimes, one of us would be busy with our own things and forget to check in. Slowly, the gaps became noticeable.
Ife: We talked less frequently, and when we did talk, the conversations didn’t last as long as they used to. Sometimes, we would go a full day without speaking, then two days, then it started stretching longer.
And because we were both adjusting to life after school, it was easy to excuse it. We would say we were busy or tired or trying to figure things out. But underneath that, the relationship was changing. We also started arguing more. Things that we would normally laugh off or talk through quickly started turning into issues.
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Curious. Did you guys discuss what a long distance relationship would look like before graduation?
Ife: To be honest, it always worried me, but Ibrahim would wave it off. There was this one time we went on ASUU strike, and our communication was complete shit. That was when I first thought about what life after graduation would look like, but Ibrahim didn’t think it was an issue.
Ibrahim: I take the blame for that. I don’t like to overthink and stress about problems that don’t exist yet. So every time she brought it up, I’d reassure her that we would cross the bridge when we got there.
So how did you resolve things?
Ibrahim: Ife brought up the idea of taking a break from the relationship.
Ife: It was just something I felt we needed at the time. I was very intentional about assuring him that we were not breaking up. At least that was how I saw it. I just felt like we needed space to breathe and figure ourselves out without the constant pressure of maintaining the relationship.
It felt like maybe if we stepped back a little, we would come back better.
Ibrahim: I didn’t like it at all. I remember telling her that breaks usually don’t end well. In most cases, they just become the beginning of the end. But I could also see that we were struggling. So I eventually agreed, even though I wasn’t comfortable with it.
I didn’t want to be the one holding us back from trying something that might help. But I was right. The break was a terrible idea.
What happened?!
Ibrahim: At first, it felt like a release. With no emotional responsibility on my shoulders, I got with some girls I’d been eyeing while Ife and I were together. Some stopped at casual flirting and some involved no-strings-attached sex. But I told myself the flings wouldn’t go anywhere because I still had Ife.
But after a while, it wasn’t as freeing as I thought it would be. I would be out, and I’d still think about Ife. Sometimes, I would catch myself comparing conversations, or wondering what she would think about something I had done.
Ife: I wasn’t interested in going from person to person or trying to replace what I had with Ibrahim. But there was someone I had always had a quiet interest in, and during the break, we got closer.
Yet, I still found myself thinking about Ibrahim more than I expected.
Did you actually agree to see other people during the break?
Ibrahim: It wasn’t expressly stated, but I guess it was just somewhere in the air. Like, do whatever you want and I’ll do whatever I want.
Ife: We still spoke occasionally during the break. Just small check-ins or greetings, small interactions that felt strange. We were no longer speaking as a couple, but we were also not fully disconnected.
After a while, I started hearing things from mutual friends. People were saying Ibrahim had been with other girls. I told myself it didn’t matter because we were on a break, but hearing it still got me upset. That was when I realised I was still more emotionally attached than I wanted to admit.
Ibrahim: I also started hearing things about Ife. I remember that it stayed in my mind for a long time. Even though I was also seeing people, hearing it about her felt different. That was when I realised the break was actually doing more harm than good. We didn’t specify how long the break was for, but it felt like it was time to have a frank conversation about what we were doing.
Who reached out first?
Ibrahim: I did. I told her we needed to talk properly, but in person.
Ife: I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him at first. Too many things had happened, and I didn’t know what the conversation would even look like. But I also knew we couldn’t keep avoiding each other forever. So I agreed.
We both told our parents we had clearance matters to attend to so we could travel to school.
Ibrahim: We stayed in a friend’s hostel. I remember the first time I saw her again. It didn’t feel like seeing the same person I left behind. We just kept going around the bush and asking unrelated questions. It was all super awkward until Ife said something like, “We have to be honest.”
Ife: I told him we had to talk about what we’d gotten up to during the break before we could even consider reconciliation or where the relationship was headed.
Ibrahim: We talked for a long time, and it was a tough conversation. Even when I didn’t go into detail, she would stop me and ask questions. That made me very uncomfortable, but we kept going because there was no other way to deal with it.
Did talking change anything?
Ife: It helped in a way. It hurt hearing everything, but we’d both agreed to take a break, and we didn’t expressly state the terms of what the break entailed. So there was no point trying to hold anything against each other.
If anything, the break only reminded us how we truly felt about each other.
Ibrahim: At some point, we just sat there without talking. And then, I leaned in to embrace her. We started crying together until things got intimate. We had another conversation the next day, and that was when we decided to try again.
It’s been two years since then, and we’re still together. She worked her NYSC to Lagos and has stayed since then, so distance is no longer an issue.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Ife: I’ll say 8. We learnt a lot the hard way, but we are still here.
Ibrahim: I’ll give it a 9. We found our way back to each other.
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