After his wife nearly passed from complications, Gideon* (36) believes denying her wish for another baby is necessary to protect his family. But how much strain can their marriage survive before it reaches a breaking point?
This is Gideon’s explanation as told to Mofiyin:
I married the love of my life in 2019. We’d been together for three years before that and had a beautiful relationship.
We were happy when she got pregnant for the first time in 2021. But from the start, the pregnancy was difficult. She battled extreme symptoms, including dizziness and blurry vision, so severe that we had to see an ophthalmologist. Still, we assumed it was normal for a first pregnancy.
Five months in, things got worse. She struggled to breathe and her blood pressure shot up. The doctors eventually diagnosed her with severe preeclampsia, and from that moment, her condition deteriorated quickly. It took a huge emotional and mental toll on us as we tried to cope with the fear and uncertainty of what would happen at full term.
At just eight months, she had to undergo an emergency C-section. During the delivery, she suddenly started seizing and lost consciousness. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. The doctors discovered a clot in her lungs, and I could sense their panic as they pushed me out of the room. They eventually revived her, but told us she had come close to dying.
She spent weeks in intensive care for weeks, and her complications dragged on for more than a year. Even after she stabilised, the doctors warned that another pregnancy could risk her life or cause permanent organ damage.
After that experience, I was certain we would never go through another pregnancy. So when she brought up having another child last year, I was genuinely shocked. She said she’d read about it and believed there was a chance she wouldn’t have complications.
I immediately told her I was against it, and she dropped the idea for a while. But earlier this year, she raised it again. She insists a second child is important because our daughter is lonely. She has refused to engage with logic, saying she is keyed into NSPPD prayers. Her father also claims that God told him nothing will go wrong.
But I was there when she nearly died, and I refuse to go through that experience again.
The issue has now escalated to the point where it’s affecting our marriage. We stopped having sex in April after she insisted I stop using condoms, and I refused. I told her that if I can’t protect myself, then we shouldn’t have sex at all. I’m not trying to punish her. I just want to protect our family, but she refuses to see my point. Right now, she has also involved my parents.
Her insistence feels selfish. Through it all, she refuses to acknowledge that we’re not financially stable enough for another child. I’m the only one with a full-time job, and I recently took a pay cut after changing careers.
I just wish she would be content with the second chance life has given us, but either way, I’m standing my ground. Even if everyone in the world agrees with her, this is still a decision both of us must agree on.
