People often talk about how having children changes women, but fatherhood can be just as transformative. For some men, becoming a dad forces them to grow up faster, rethink their priorities or become more intentional about the lives they’re building. For others, it brings unexpected fears, pressures and responsibilities they never saw coming.
We asked Nigerian men how having children changed them, and their answers reveal just how deeply fatherhood can reshape a person’s life.
“Fatherhood forced me to grow up overnight” — Paul*, 33
Becoming a father completely changed my life, and honestly, it got worse before it got better. My GF got pregnant in uni, and keeping the baby wasn’t really a question for us. Suddenly, we had responsibilities neither of us was prepared for.
Both our academics suffered. We ended up spending extra years in school because it became difficult to balance classes, parenting and everything else. I started taking on side jobs while still in university just to provide for our child. Looking back, that period was brutal. But it also forced me to grow up much faster than my mates. Things are more stable now, and I’m grateful.
“My children made me take God more seriously” — Adebayo*, 41
Having children is one of the most beautiful things that’s happened to me, but it’s also one of the most complicated. Before I became a father, I wasn’t particularly serious about my spiritual life. Now, I find myself praying, fasting and constantly asking God to protect my family.
I saw what my mother’s prayers did for me growing up, and I want to be that covering for my own children. At the same time, the financial responsibility can be overwhelming. It never stops. School fees, feeding, clothing, and everything else. In this economy, it’s difficult to give your children everything they want. Fatherhood has deepened my faith, but it has also taught me the weight of responsibility.
“Fatherhood brought my wife and me back together” — Chidi*, 35
Becoming a dad rescued my marriage in ways I never expected. Before my wife got pregnant, we were in a very bad place. We argued constantly, and some days we’d barely speak to each other. It felt like we were just co-existing rather than actually being partners.
Then our son arrived, and something shifted. We became a team again. We bathe him together, take turns putting him to sleep and laugh more than we have in years. The baby gave us a shared purpose that pulled us closer. Of course, parenting comes with its own stress, but somehow, fatherhood helped us rediscover the friendship and affection we’d lost along the way.
“Fatherhood brought out the best and worst in me” — Tunji*, 38
Having children has brought out both the best and worst sides of me. The best part is that I’ve become much more family-oriented. I think constantly about providing for my family, protecting them and being present in their lives. I spend more time with my children, take them out and genuinely enjoy being a dad.
The downside is that I’ve become obsessed with financial security. I overwork myself because I’m terrified that one mistake could leave my family vulnerable. Sometimes, I’ve tied my self-worth too closely to what I can provide. Deep down, I worry that if I can’t provide, I’ll somehow become less valuable to the people I love. They’ve never made me feel that way, but it’s a fear I’ve had to confront since becoming a father.
“My child made me more patient” — Tosin, 31
Having a child taught me patience and tolerance. Before becoming a dad, I didn’t realise I could stay this calm in difficult situations or let certain things slide without immediately reacting.
Fatherhood has also made me much more conscious of how I behave, especially the things I say and do. I now understand that someone is learning how to navigate life by watching me. Whether I like it or not, I’m their first example of how an adult should act. That realisation keeps me accountable. It’s no longer just about me anymore. I have to be intentional because the habits, values and behaviours I model today will likely shape the kind of person my child becomes tomorrow.
“Your entire life changes, but you adjust” — Daniel, 36
Your entire life changes when you have children, from how you work to how you spend your free time. But human beings adapt, and eventually, you find a rhythm.
The biggest thing is that children demand time and attention. If you want to be an intentional father and play an active role in raising them, you’ll make sacrifices. You can’t work endless hours, spend money only on yourself or move through life without considering how your actions affect someone else.
I’ve become more careful about what I say, how I behave and the example I’m setting. That’s the reality if you genuinely care about raising good humans. Otherwise, you can keep doing whatever you like and watch your child copy every single thing you do.
“Fatherhood made me more tolerant of children” — Hassan*, 38
If I could go back and choose, I probably wouldn’t have kids. I love my kids deeply, but I’ve never been someone who naturally enjoys being around children. In fact, I can confidently say the first babies I ever carried were my own.
Even as a young man, I avoided kids. The noise, mess, the constant attention they require; it all puts me on edge. The baby stage was the hardest. I’d wake up several times a night when they cried, and lack of sleep always made me cranky. My wife still complains that I can come across as cold sometimes.
But fatherhood has changed me. I’ve had to learn patience and become more present. I’m far more tolerant now than I used to be, not just with my own children but with other people’s kids too. If fatherhood has taught me anything, it’s how to make room for people who don’t naturally fit into my comfort zone.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
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