Sunken Ships is a NGGOSSIPS weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
When Esther* (24) lost her mum, the loneliness that followed felt unbearable. Desperate for companionship, she found comfort in Ire* (24), who quickly became her emotional anchor during one of the darkest periods of her life. But what started as a source of healing soon turned into a relationship marked by disrespect, betrayal and heartbreak.
For Sunken Ships, Esther shares how she and Ire’s story began, why she forgave him the first time and the moment that spelt the end of their relationship.
How did you and Ire meet?
We started talking on Facebook in May 2023, and quickly became regular text buddies. He attended the same university as I did, but he was away for his IT year. Soon, we were talking every day and became really close before we agreed to meet in August.
What drew you to him?
He was always there when I needed it. We talked constantly, and he became my companion during a really dark period. At the time, that meant everything to me.
What was giving you a tough time?
My mum, who was my best friend, passed away in March 2023, and it was rough for me. The loneliness was almost unbearable. I felt like everyone had moved on and abandoned me after the funeral. Meeting Ire became a breath of fresh air. His consistency meant a lot to me.
That’s great. What happened when he returned to school?
We spent almost every day together throughout August and began dating. I was genuinely happy. For the first time since my mum died, I didn’t feel lonely all the time.
So what changed?
I became attached to him. I always wanted to be around him, and he started complaining about it. He’d compare me to other girls and tell me I needed to give him space so he could miss me.
Wow. How did that make you feel?
It hurt. Ire was one of the few people I felt safe with. After losing my mum, I’d become used to relying on him emotionally. So when he started pulling away, it felt like I was losing someone important all over again.
I’m so sorry. What did you do after that?
I didn’t want to let him go. So even though he got more and more rude and dismissive of my feelings, I stayed with him, hoping things would get better.
Did they?
Not at all.
Can you give me an instance?
In September 2023, I visited him, and after a while, he rudely told me to go back to my place. When I left, I forgot my keys at his place and had to go back to get them. When I got there, I caught him having sex with someone else.
That’s awful! What did he say?
Nothing, he just begged me. I should have left him then, but I had the mentality that all men cheat anyway, so I took him back and hoped he wouldn’t hurt me again. I think I was just scared of being alone again. Until the last straw, I was determined to stand by him.
Tell me about that.
It only took a month for him to send me over the edge. For context, his neighbour had a female friend, Sade*, who stayed over often. After a while, I noticed Ire was spending more and more time with her. When Sade came around, Ire would cut my visits short and send me back home.
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Did you ever confront him about it?
No. It didn’t sit right with me, but I still took it in stride because of how much I cared about him. On one of my visits in November that year, he told me he wanted to step out to get something nearby, but he didn’t come back for over an hour. I was worried and went to check for him, only to find he was at the neighbour’s place.
What did you do when you found out?
I was so upset, I left without saying anything to him. At home, I felt guilty for leaving abruptly so around 10:00 PM that night, I decided to go back to his place so we could talk things out. What I met there shocked me.
What did you find?
Ire opened the door, and behind him was Sade wearing nothing but lingerie. I ignored her and told Ire I wanted to talk, but he said that wasn’t possible and that I had to leave because Sade was spending the night with him.
Ah. How did you react to that?
I was dumbfounded. I asked him if he was choosing her over me, and he said yes. He told me to go home like I meant nothing to him.
Whoa. That’s so wicked.
I was too hurt to even go back home immediately. I sat outside his place for a few minutes and heard them laughing together through the door.
What did you do after you left?
That incident shook me. I blocked him everywhere that night. The next day, he came begging as usual, but I shut him out completely. I want nothing to do with him ever again.
I’m glad. Has this experience affected how you approach relationships?
Yes, I’ve been single since I left Ire. I have learned to put myself first, and I’m not interested in romance right now. I shouldn’t lose myself trying to keep someone who doesn’t value me.
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