The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
How long have you been with your partner?
My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.
How did you meet?
We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because I’m an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadn’t hung out with in forever.
At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. That’s where I met Roseline. I’d seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadn’t said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation.
We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. We’d make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didn’t even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.
I’m screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?
I don’t have anything against the city. I just wasn’t the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. I’m always the first to discourage anyone who tells me they’ve found love with someone in a different city.
Maybe it’s because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think it’s already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.
However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, “Shebi it’s Ibadan here, we’ll run it.”
So, how have you guys been “running it”?
In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding.
I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she can’t be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because “we can’t just stay indoors all through.”
Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip
I spend at least ₦150k on each visit. Notice how I said, “In the first few months” earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.
I’m honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made ₦3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe that’s why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow.
Hmmm. Where’s that ₦3m now?
Omo. I can’t pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing ₦700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared.
I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the “new relationship” high. I also bought Roseline a ₦140k wig and sent her money a few times. I don’t even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didn’t last four months.
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You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?
We’re still getting used to it. Roseline hasn’t been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain.
She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as “not wanting her to come over.” The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didn’t like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.
She’s said she won’t visit if we don’t stay at a hotel. I’m lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, “So you aren’t missing me, abi?”
Does she know the change is because of money?
I tell her all the time, but I don’t think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and I’m deciding not to spend it on her.
If she’s not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that it’s been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.
What kind of money conversations do you both have?
We don’t really talk about money like that, except when she’s asking me for it, or I’m telling her I don’t have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we haven’t gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think that’s a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two.
I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think it’s a bit weird to start asking each other, “What’s your salary?” or “How much does your business bring in monthly?” I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just haven’t gotten there yet.
Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roseline’s expectations. I work for a “big” company, so maybe she thinks I’m making serious money. It also doesn’t help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe I’ll tell her one of these days that I only earn ₦600k. She should calm down with the billing.
What do your relationship expenses look like these days?
It’s very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know she’ll most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but I’m trying to push that forward as much as possible.
Right now, the most I do is send her random ₦10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.
Do you both have financial safety nets?
I save ₦100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have ₦500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year.
I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but I’m not sure how much she saves or how much she has. I’d say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so it’s really hard — at least for me — to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But I’ll keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.
What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Roseline?
One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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